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April 27th, 2012UncategorizedBecause my mother reads and responds negatively to my blogs, I have developed a complex around bitching about people. But guess what mom, I’m going for it today and I don’t even give a care. I lived through the 80′s on nothing but powdered milk, mayonnaise, and guidance from Danny Tanner. I’ve paid my dues. Let the judging commence.
* Cracks neck * First of all, how fucking hard is it to not smoke while you’re pregnant? Jesus fucking christ. Sometimes I lie awake at night going over my failures as a mother: I didn’t read enough books with the kids tonight, I forgot to have Urah use the water flosser, I got mad and threatened to melt faces with hot spaghetti. Then I take the 43 bus and see pregnant ladies smoking and moms with thin crispy noodle hair blowing smoke into strollers while they dig through a diaper bag for their iphones and I think “I am the greatest mother ever”.
Speaking of the 43 bus, why is it that in every city everywhere there is someone brazenly displaying the most swollen ankles you have ever seen in the walkway of the bus? Get those shits out of my way!
Other things and people I dislike: The guy who plants himself outside my Mon/Wed class and loudly eats Doritos. It doesn’t matter how far away from the door I sit. Once he starts fondling that clattery bag of tortillas it’s all I can hear.
Clearly mother of the year, fat ankles and Doritos guy are all victims of my displaced anger.
Where was I going with this…
Did I mention I’ve been drinking?
3 responses to “” 
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Don’t ever listen to your mother. I should know. I am glad you were drinking I absolutely love your blog and it is nice to know I am not the only one who thinks like you do. I live in Reno and the best thing I ever saw or worse depending how you looked at it, was a family at a white trash casino at 2am. The mother had her 2yr old in an open stoller job and she was standing over it smoking, with about a 2 inch ash hanging off the end of the cigarette, totally oblivious that this was really, really, bad. My photographer friend got a shot of it. The sad part is we were all hoping this giant ash would drop on the tots head. But grandma looked up and saw all of us open mouth watching so we had to move on. Priceless.
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This&that April 27th, 2012 at 11:33
Drunk or not, you are the greatest mother ever. Not to mention you can wield a word like nobody’s business. Keep it up.
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Marcia October 31st, 2012 at 20:28
Hey us Mom’s love our kids…but we do need to not be sooooo protective. I found that out recently. We are proud of our daughters who speak their minds…so you go on!
Jenny PezDeSpencer April 27th, 2012 at 11:26